what if instead of a same gender detective partnership who keep getting mistaken for a romantic couple, you had a same gender romantic couple who keep getting mistaken for detectives
‘hello, I’m sam darling, and this is my partner gregory hitch’ ‘AH YES THE PRIVATE DETECTIVES’ ‘what??? no we just came for some ice cream why is there police tape everywhere’
Has anyone made a videogame where you’re a princess locked at the top of a tower and have to fight your way down to ground level? Because dang.
Like, think about it: you’re given this nice little room and no objectives at all and when you open the door the guard says ‘stay in there’ so you wait and nothing happens and you open the door again and try and walk out and the guard pushes you back in and says things like ‘you’re our prisoner’ and ‘where are you going, you’re stuck here’ and ‘are you trying to meet your prince? he won’t ever get up THIS high’ and ‘get back inside before I get mad’. But you can pick up a vase of flowers, and you can swing it around. And the thing is all the guards are expecting the hero to be battling his way up, and all this one wimpy little guard at the top is posted to your room for is to push you back into your room, so you can smash him over the head because he’s just not expecting it, and then steal his weapons. And after that you find that the guards are always bigger and stronger than you—and they get bigger and stronger every level down—but you can generally manage to get the first shot in because they’re waiting for the hero, and you’re the princess. And maybe there’s puzzles and stuff too, but you have to solve them backwards, working your way along from end to start, because they’re all set up for the hero. And when you get the bottom and you have the fight of your life because the guards are massed up waiting for the hero, tons of them with awesome weapons and armor and spells and you think it’s the boss battle, but when they’re all dead and the final ground-level door is free to open the credits don’t roll. And you realize there must be one more fight outside the doors, too, before you’re free, so you equip the best armor and weapons and potions you can find and go outside and you fight this one huge lone badass man on a badass horse in the sunlight. Then he’s finally defeated, and lying in the grass, and his horse is yours, and the credits still aren’t rolling. And you look at his corpse and you see he’s got a locket on, and in that locket is a picture of your face.
And then you realize that that was the hero.
And then the credits roll.
An asexual and pansexual become room-mates and have wacky adventures
The show is called ‘All or Nothing’
Plot twist: the asexual is really super outgoing and is a huge flirt while the pansexual is extremely socially awkward and has trouble ordering coffee let alone getting a date.
my hand slipped
How to color eggs with onion shells.
But despite Hollywood’s near-complete refusal to acknowledge it, ancient Rome was the original melting pot. See, back then, color and prejudice weren’t linked — unlike racism and stupidity today. Rome even had at least two African emperors, Severus and Macrinus. Rome was unique in the ancient world for its inclusive citizenship. In the past, a city-state like Sparta might have conquered a people and enslaved or slaughtered them all. Rome, on the other hand, blew ancient people’s minds by assimilating or even naturalizing the conquered. The ancient Romans didn’t even force conquered peoples to give up their own languages or customs.
The important thing for the Romans was that people followed the law, paid taxes, and, oh yeah, fought in the Roman army. The Romans were no dummies: Little old Rome was never going to be able to populate the world it conquered, let alone defend it, so absorbing other peoples like a giant legionary sponge was the only way to keep enough bodies in the military and on its farms. Rome enrolled northwest Africans, Moors, Gauls, Celts, Jews — pretty much anyone who could swing a sword or throw a spear — which is how an Ethiopian soldier could find himself fighting in Britain (maybe that’s why every film Roman speaks with a British accent).
There are no exact numbers on ancient Roman diversity, but given Rome’s constant contact with Africa and the Near East, the coliseum we asked you to imagine earlier should look more like Ellis Island and less like a Dave Matthews Band concert. 5 Ridiculous Lies You Believe About Ancient Civilizations (via sumayyahdaud)
a sphinx girl who’s absolute balls at riddles but fucking loves terrible puns
a traveler is blocked by a sphinx suddenly while going along a path. “what do bees brush their hair with?” she asks, and he’s FREAKING OUT, he’s going to get fucking eaten, didn’t the sphinx DIE, oh god what was the riddle, he knows this one oh shit he knows this one what was it, oh fuck, what the fuck
the sphinx narrows her eyes and bares her teeth a little. oh shit, the traveler thinks, oh shit he’s fucking dead.
the sphinx grins like a goddamn doofus and struggles to hold back laughter as she answers “a honeycomb”